Part 2: B*tches Betrayal Bitterness

It Be Like That Sometimes

Over the years, countless TV shows and movies have explored the complexities of friend groups—good girls, mean girls, artsy girls, sporty girls, and more. These portrayals highlight the journey of self-discovery and the search for belonging among peers. But beyond the screen, these dynamics often play out in real life, shaping how many women see themselves. So much so that even as adults, we still refer to ourselves as “girls.” From school days to adulthood, we carry these labels and behaviors. But what happens when the antics of "girl world" follow us into adult life? When the excuse of youth no longer applies and our actions demand accountability, some hard truths begin to surface.

“you’re not a mean girl; you’re just a b*tch.”

Remember, we’re not all the same, so there should never be the expectation that everything among all women should be cakes, pies, and rainbows. That doesn’t mean it has to be static everywhere we go, either. We’ve all encountered someone who seems to thrive on stirring the pot—someone whose actions leave you wondering if their sole purpose is to create chaos. Often, these individuals operate within what I call The Three C’s: Confusion, Conflict, and Chaos. These behaviors stem from a lack of intention and self-awareness, leading to destructive cycles. Confusion appears in indecisiveness and insecurity; conflict arises in judgmental attitudes and poor communication; and chaos manifests in impulsive actions and constant drama.

Here’s where the connection becomes clear: the b*tch archetype is a product of these cycles. Whether it’s born from unresolved trauma, insecurities, or a normalized environment of dysfunction, these women live by The Three C’s. When you don’t live this way, your peace and purpose make you a target. Their behavior isn’t just about you—it’s a reflection of their own unresolved struggles.

B*tches despise the way you DON’T operate & conduct your life out of The Three C’s — so yes, it can be true at times, b*tches be hating, envious, spiteful, and messy.

I was once friends with a group of b*tches, and they were my b*tches as far as an 18-year-old to early 20-something friendship goes. We spent hours talking, hanging out, and sharing intimate, vulnerable moments, witnessing mistakes and mishaps in each other's lives. Moments like that and lit nights combined bonded us. It felt like we were sisters until it didn’t. There were signs throughout the friendship that made me question the validity of our friendship, but I didn’t think too deeply about it then. Such as backhanded compliments, snarky comments about my dating life, and the lack of support while pursuing modeling. Some comments even included saying something they liked about me, followed by something they disliked about themselves.

I assumed they were being a friend to me because I was being a friend to them. Though it was apparent we had differences, and I didn’t judge them for their mishaps and mistakes, I figured there was a level of mutual respect and understanding. Not to mention, they all initially sought me out to be friends or labeled me their best friend first, so at the minimum, I assumed it would always be a sense of loyalty.

As I mentioned in the Introduction—The Power of Sisterhood, I was dangerously inclusive in the past. Having too much understanding and not enough boundaries and intention eventually led me to be betrayed in a worse way. The same girls I looked at as sisters started championing to misunderstand me, which resulted in me being isolated and made to appear to be the problem. I still didn’t get it until I was blatantly disregarded and disrespected to my face for the last time.

When being friends with people who are not meant to contuine on our path with us, eventually, the behavior and situations can worsen over time, and by God’s will, you will be forced to realize and accept them b*tches are not your friend, do not wish you well, and you must remove yourself.

The mindset you take on after betrayal matters the most.

Betrayal compelled me into one of the most transformative periods in my life to this date. When it appeared as if I lost people and pieces of my life, I gained so much more. The rage, disappointment, and resentment sent me on an upward spiral. What I experienced these days would’ve made the next woman crash out or do a storytime on TikTok. I often think about what things would’ve been like if I became a villain by my will because, like most villains, I would’ve been well justified in my actions.

I was angry for a while, furious at them & myself; I eventually became bitter. Taking the high road killed me; I stood by while my character was questioned and attacked. I couldn’t understand why they would switch up on me out of everyone when I’ve been an active, supportive friend, no matter what. I wasn’t sure how to overcome the rage I felt from being betrayed and disrespected. For a while, I figured the only solution and way for me to heal was by putting my hands on somebody; that’s how angry I was. However, by rattling my brain, trying to understand their motive & behavior was unbecoming. I was slowly but surely adopting a victim mindset, and my Chicago pride couldn't allow that because I could never be goofy.

I had to find a new way to look at the situation for my sanity, growth, and healing. I started to observe my role throughout the friendship and even being friends with these girls just because they sought out one with me. I began to seek solutions, turnt inward, and went from isolation to solitude. I started to do a lot of reading and solo activities like biking and even attending concerts alone. I got to experience myself in a different light; I saw myself and enjoyed my company. I eventually read a book about forgiveness, and it talked about how forgiving people without an apology isn’t necessary for them but for us. That book helped shift my perspective and introduced me to accountability.

When I discovered the power of accountability and forgiveness, I could look at the situation differently without blame or shame. It helped me release feeling wronged and as if someone was to blame and I was owed something. Waiting on people who wronged me to apologize wouldn’t contribute to my healing the way I thought and needed it. By releasing the blame, I let go of the shame I felt for being friends with these girls as long as I did and ignoring all the signs.

I’ll never forget when I was angry and venting to my old co-worker, she said something that stuck with me that I didn’t grasp at the time:

“You’ll never be able to understand why werid/f*cked up people do what they do, and why…you’re not one of them”

It took me years to heal, fully recover from that situation, and grasp the gravity of what she meant. When encountering b*tches and betrayal, it’s essential not to take it personally. How people decide to treat us says less about us and more about them and their upbringing. The best thing to do is to turn inward and seek peace and understanding of your actions rather than trying to figure them out.

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